The Fellowship Discovers FanFiction
by CherryKiwi
Summary: Aragorn keeps some fanfics and claims the bulge in his pack is a shrubbery. Knights of Ni too! Suprising twist about the shrub in ch10
1. Pippin's Mistake

The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction  
By Cherry and Kiwi  
  
Credits: Cooking with Legolas was written by Pineapple Princess (from fanfiction.net) and we recommend reading it and we only borrowed the characters from JRR Tolkien. Now, we are telling you, we are not making money off this so you can't get $$ out of us!!! Muahahahahaha!!  
  
Author's note: This chapter has been revised and we may look back at it and revise it again because we might have come up with something new to put into it or something else like that. All reviews and suggestions, if u haven't reviewed to chapter 1(the previous) yet, to the review submitting thingy. If you HAVE submitted a review to the former chapter 1, please send reviews to CherryKiwi05@hotmail.com and we will put ur reviews in the next chapter at the beginning so ppl can still c them! Thanks! Anything with an asterisk will be explained at the bottom of the chapter, the asterisks being noteworthy and not descriptive of action.  
  
Sorry about the screwed up format. Kiwi's computer is gimped.  
  
Chapter 1: Third time reposting! If only Cherry had helped earlier.*Kiwi slaps Cherry for not helping sooner*  
The Fellowship was journeying, still. As they journeyed through a non-descript forest of no particular interest somewhere in middle earth, hopefully in the direction where they were headed, a dark ominous cloud of foreboding grew in Legolas' mind. He sensed danger but couldn't put his finger on it. He didn't feel like bothering the fellowship with his insubstantial fears until he knew more about them. Due to unfortunate events which are too lengthy and boringly complicated to go into at the moment, Pippin happened upon a strange thing: a mystical looking button. It looked sort of like a doorbell: red and white, one circle implanted into another. It looked sorta like a barber shop pole in the way it swirled, except it swirled into a vortex instead of swirling down the pole. Little did he know that it had happened to be planted on that unsuspecting and innocent tree by the evil and retardedly* vicious Saruman. Since the button had been planted by him, you know it's gotta be bad. Now, Saruman had an evil plan, a plan like NO OTHER PLAN! *muahahahahaha!* It was an odd little thing, really. The button hypnotized who ever looked at it and forced them to press it. With this having been said, Pippin was obviously and predictably hypnotized and, of course, pushed it. Saruman had been waiting in the woods for the group to pass by. He knew someone would press it, but he had intended for the bigger folk of the Fellowship to press it first, so that they would be out of commission sooner and the Hobbits would not be as protected. He was hidden in a bush alongside the path **! ~inside joke explained at bottom, totally irrelevant~*. As Pippin came closer and closer to the tree, Saruman's eyes brightened with excitement. As soon as Pippin pressed the button, Saruman smiled, knowing exactly what would happen: Pippin would be zapped by pressing the mystical button, causing everyone else to look, and see the button, thus they also would be hypnotized. Thus lured into pressing the button, and in the end, they would be zapped. "Aha!" he almost shouted as Pippin pressed it, but stifling himself quickly. Now would be his chance to get (as Smeagol would put it) 'The preciousss!' all for himself! Alas! The button exploded with surprising results.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The blast had nearly zapped poor Pippin. Thank God the button backfired! Suddenly, papers spewed everywhere!! 'Noooooooo!' Saruman thought, as he quickly ran away, 'My brilliant plan has backfired! That idiot! What did he do to my beautiful mystical button?' However, he was already thinking of a different evil plan. Everyone ran over to see what happened. The strange papers were stapled together in many different packets. Each had a big heading with a weird name under it (ex, Kiwi, and Cherry, and other nonsense words of the sort). They each picked up a packet and began reading. Legolas found one with his name in the heading. He read 'Cooking with Legolas.' 'What?' he thought. 'Me cooking?!? Yea right!' So he read on. 'Who is this Martha?' He read on becoming totally confused. 'Who the *beep* is Smeagol*** and what the *beep* is he dancing to?' The same sort of odd-ball things happened throughout the mysterious packet. Once he got to the second episode, he got angry. The crowd liked Haldir better than him!?! They were both elves with long blonde hair but he was simply better! How could they think that?!?! And he got flour in his hair!?! Noooooooooo! ****  
  
**********explained********* * retardedly- we are not making any sort of mean comments about people with mental retardation. Cherry's uncle is mentally retarded and he's super cool! Kiwi's mom works with these people and they are really nice. We are just trying to describe Saruman. If anyone takes any offense in that, we are very sorry and do not mean anything by it.  
  
**3 most powerful men in the world- Andy L's joke: You know the world is in trouble when the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colin. (  
  
***Smeagol- the Fellowship has not encountered Smeagol yet and know not of him  
  
****note: this is Legolas' point of view. We, the authors, love Cooking with Legolas and we suggest that you read it! Make sure it is the one by Pineapple Princess so look her name up! 


	2. What are these?

Chapter 2:  
  
Credits: see previous ~we love Cooking with Legolas!!!~  
  
Authors note: sorry this chapter is so short, then again, Cherry wrote it. This proves it, Kiwi is better! *muahahaha! Cherry slaps Kiwi* Kiwi: You whore! Cherry: You strumpet! Kiwi: you *beep* Cherry: at least I'm a not a public servant of the street corners! I do believe ur customers are waiting! Kiwi: you wish! *~*~*~*~*~*anyways*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A moment later, or perhaps a few (Who knew? Who really cared?), Legolas was still recovering from his anger. However, he had calmed down enough to notice that Aragorn was blushing profusely. "What is wrong, Aragorn?" he asked his beet-red friend. "What *are* these stories?" Aragorn replied. Legolas, with this having been said*, was curious. He seized the packet that Aragorn had been reading. He read the first page or so and immediately dropped it in horror. That story was indecent!! How could people even *think* like that, much less write it?!** Legolas was aware that Aragorn and Arwen were betrothed and would one day have beautiful little munchkins, but he seriously did not need that mental image! While still trying to recover from this traumatizing mental travesty***, a high keening sound, half between a squeak and a scream, issued from Merry's mouth. You would never know by their size that hobbits could create such a loud annoying sound. Legolas turned to his companion.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Having turned to his miniature compatriot to inquire as to why he was creating this loud annoying sound, Legolas saw that the poor hobbit was laying in the fetal position. He was rubbing furiously at his eyes with the heels of his hands. Being closer, Merry's cousin Pippin dropped down next to Merry to see if he could help him. To his complete surprise and confusion, Merry screamed and scrambled backwards to get away. Legolas was extremely confused. They were the best of friends. Why was he running away? "What have these *stories* said about you to make you react so?" He asked in perfect sympathy with his complete disdain for the so called stories. "They.ME...and.PIPPIN.ack!" He replied between shallow, quick breaths that were quickly devolving into full blown hyperventilation. "What about you and Pippin?" Legolas asked. He was confused again. "ME AND PIPPIN.a.it's.too horrible.a.a.COUPLE!" What little strength he had dredged up to say that left him. He collapsed in shudders again. Pippin looked utterly shocked and horrified. He collapsed to the ground. Both looked at each other for a moment. They then began trying to scratch their eyes out. Frodo and Sam immediately jumped up and stopped them. Legolas was incapacitated and totally floored or else he would have also helped. "My eyes." he groaned and fainted gratefully into oblivion.  
  
*****explained**** *with this having been said- flashbacks to latin class!! Aaahhhhhh! Any latin student feels the horror. **remember, this is Legolas' opinion! Long live the lemony goodness!! ***yes we have a vocabulary! We are intelligent! Well, that's what we keep telling ourselves *we are both blondes.* 


	3. Aragorn's secret

Credits: We do not own LotR obviously, although we wish so we could get Legolas and possibly Aragorn. We also do not own Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, although we wish so we could have the Castle Anthrax. *Spank us too!* lol! jk! And we also wish to say that coconuts ARE migratory! They have cilia!  
  
Again, we apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. Cherry blames Kiwi's gimped computer. Kiwi agrees.  
  
Chapter 3: Moral of the story.so far: for the sake of the characters, and the readers, don't place Merry and Pippin together as a couple! Remember, they are cousins! Well, then again, the authors do live in Kentucky.  
  
Gimli groaned at this annoyance and splashed water on Legolas' face to get his attention*. They had to do something about this atrocity. These so called fanfictions insulted them all (Well, in the Aragorn/Arwen one, was that insulting to either of them? It was insulting to the other's minds but not personally.) Now, the other one mentioned was insulting to Legolas, but it did favor Haldir**. The other (there are many though) not only insulted Merry and Pippin but humiliated and horrified them. The other packets contained insulting stuff about the others. Gimli was particularly insulted when someone said that he was fat!! He had been on that weight loss system for months! He should have lost 90 pounds by now! Injustice***!!  
After each of them had read a horror story of themselves, except Aragorn, they all met up and decided to end the horror. Their solution was:  
A big bonfire. They gathered up the offending packets, except Aragorn, who folded up the fics involving him and Arwen and put them in his sack-o-stuff (what stuff, we're not sure, but possibly survival stuff, aka food, a pic of Arwen, etc. The sack now also contains the fanfics!) That evening, the Fellowship gathered together some kindling and made a huge bonfire. They had an enormous mountain of all the fanfics ever written about them, well, the ones they knew about to use as fuel! (F is for fire burning bright and red.****) They threw the first bunch into the fire ( and all of the authors, being bound to their writings, suddenly poofed into the circle of people around the fire. They screamed "Noooooooo!" (slow-mo) as it was too late. Frodo had a lot of fics on him, being carrier of the ring. He especially hated those where people decided to make him girlish! He threw them into the fire with relish, while more authors came. The air was filled with the cries of the authors. The Fellowship was shouting along with them, except they shouted for joy, not out of sadness. As soon as the sun began to rise, the authors poofed back to their homes in horror (we know its kinda weird with the poofing, but hey, it's a story!) Let's just say, see the moral.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*interlude Moral of the story as of now, including the above moral: Save your fics on the computer, unless its Kiwi's gimped computer.so save them on a discus***** as well except for Cherry's disk who raped Kiwi's computer instead of the other way around!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cries of anguish were heard throughout the world as all the fanfiction authors awoke to the fiery morning, knowing that their creations were gone.  
"Blast it!" cried fanfiction author #1! "Why didn't I save that one???" cried another. 'Why did I save mine to Cherry's disk and try to upload it on Kiwi's gimped computer?!" cried the third. The other two looked at him in sympathy and patted his back. "You have to admit, you were asking for that." Said the first. "True," said the second. "That was the stupidest mistake ever on your part!"  
  
--Now, back to Middle Earth- Meanwhile, back in our non-descript forest somewhere in Middle Earth, hopefully in the direction the fellowship was headed, the fellowship awoke to a beautiful morning, rejoicing at the destruction of those horrible *things.* Aragorn woke up not as happy because he wondered how many of these packets of him and Arwen he had missed. His sack-o-stuff was now suspiciously heavier. He had managed to save quite a few. As the fellowship left camp, Aragorn lugged the bag around. He was obviously going slower than usual (although obvious only means Legolas was the only one to notice, also as usual), and he feared the other members would notice eventually. "What do you have in that sack that's making you go so slow today?" Legolas asked in curiosity. 'Blast it!' Aragorn thought, knowing his secret had been discovered.  
"Oh nothing, nothing really. Nothing important." He lied. Those packets really interested him (Bad Aragorn! Very Bad Aragorn!).  
'Well, if it is of no importance, why don't you get rid of it so we can travel quicker." Legolas suggested innocently, as he was getting suspicious.  
"Well, you see, I did pick up this nifty little shrubbery. We will need it to get past the Knights who say 'ni'."  
"Never heard of them before." Said Legolas.  
"Wrong story!" said Gimli.  
"Oh, Never mind. It's still nifty so I'm keeping it!" Aragorn stated petulantly.  
"Fine, fine! Don't get your panties in a twist!" said Legolas.  
"Are you suggesting that I wear Arwen's lacy underwear?!"  
"You would know what her underwear looks like! And NO! We did NOT need to know!"  
"I swear I've never seen her underwear before! I swear!"  
"Then how do you know it was lacy?"  
"um.I don't! I don't know anything about her underwear!"  
"So then, you've been imagining it!"  
"Why would I bother my brain with silly stuff like that?"  
"*cough cough* no comment. You tell us!"  
"I will tell you nothing!"  
"So you ARE thinking about her underwear!"  
"Alright! I admit it! But I don't know anything about what they look like."  
"Suuuuuuuuure." Everyone just nodded and smiled. Aragorn sighed dejectedly. He began muttering something that sounded suspiciously like 'Thank God that argument ended when it did. They might have found out about last summer!' Although he did like thinking about her lacy panties. 'Thank God they didn't ask what kind of panties she wore!' He was inwardly relieved that they did not find out that it was not a shrubbery. Suddenly, Legolas turned.  
"May I see that shrubbery?"  
  
*****explained***** * the original sentence there was: Gimli groaned the splashed water on Legolas' face. **don't forget! We love that story! ***A Wufei quote for any of you who read/watch Gundam Wing **** *Cherry and Kiwi clear their throats and being singing* "F is for fire burning bright and red! U is for uranium *bombs!* N is for no survivors in this little town! No one will survive!" ***** discus in our term is latin for disk! Not really, but you kno, whatever.  
--discus throwing is the sport in which you stand naked (as the Romans and  
Greeks did) and throw floppy disks around! What fun! 


	4. Forest Encounter

Chapter 4: Credits: we don't own LotR and we found that it is fun to go to lordoftherings.net and refresh the page until you hear Orlando Bloom's voice say: "This is Orlando Bloom. Welcome to Lordoftherings.net" *sigh* it's so wonderful! We don't own Monty Python although we do agree it is hilarious. We don't own anything else except this plot if u call it that and any characters we make up (???) and any other stupid stuff we decide to include like quotes or something. The spider incident is real and we own that in our book of stupid moments together. That book is rapidly filling up you know.  
  
"S.See.th.th.the.sh.sh.shrubbery?" Aragorn stammered.  
"Yes. What's wrong with the shrubbery?" Legolas replied.  
"N.Nothing! It just isn't its best. Why do you want to see the shrubbery anyway? What about the Knights of ni?"  
"Oh Rubbish!" Gimli said. "They are just in the movies."  
"No they aren't!" retorted Aragorn. "I met them once. It was, uh, scary."  
"Uh-huh. Whatever." Legolas muttered "I just wanted to see what sort of shrubbery it was. I am an elf, and I like green leafy things (. That is why my name is Greenleaf!" Legolas stated as if it should have been obvious.  
"Well, you can't see it. It is ill. It has a migraine and is light sensitive."  
"I am good with plants. I can make its migraine go away!"  
"Plants get migraines?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They shrugged. They didn't know!  
"I don't care! It's my shrubbery and it said it was sick!" Aragorn insisted stubbornly. The rest of the fellowship, seeing as they were completely confused, ignored him for the time being. While continuing on their way in our non- descript forest, suddenly, *Gasp and Double Gasp* they were stopped. And they happened to be stopped by these tall weird people-things wearing all black, forest-floor-length robes, with olden helmets so that you couldn't see their faces. "Ni!" Their leader stood in front of them and stated the word proudly. The fellowship stared in confusion. 'What? Aren't these only in the movies?' they thought. "The knights of Ni demand a sacrifice." "What are you talking about? We can go where we want and we WILL pass through here." Gimli shouted at the knights. The group began to 'Ni' at them. The fellowship cowered in fear at the strangeness. "We demand.A SHRUBBERY!" *DUN!* They continued to 'Ni'. "All right, all right, we'll give you the shrubbery!!" They cried. "Hey, Aragorn! You have that shrubbery in your pack! Why don't you bring it out and give it to these knights!" Legolas called to Aragorn.  
"But I threw it out since you said it was useless!"  
"You idiot!"  
"Well, it died but I threw it out anyway since you said it was crappy."  
"I never said that!"  
"Did too!"  
"Did not!" The argument continued in this fashion for quite some time. Finally Gimli had had enough of this pansy womanly fighting.  
"Enough, children! Stop your bickering! Let's just go find a different shrub!"  
"Oh never mind!" the leader of the knights of Ni shouted. "I also am tired of your childish behavior. We have decided we do not want a shrubbery." The Fellowship wiped their brows in relief.  
"Instead, we wish for.A STRAWBERRY FRUIT BAR!! *DUN!* One of those frozen popsicle things that you get in the frozen dessert isle. They are very nice you know. We enjoy them immensely."  
"But they won't be invented for hundreds of years!"  
"Oh well. Go to your nearest supermarket and buy one! Here's a discount coupon."  
"What's a discount coupon?"  
"It doesn't matter just take it and present it to the cashier when you buy the *beeping* fruit bar!"  
"What's a cashier?"  
"NEVERMIND! JUST BUY IT!"  
"Buy the cashier?"  
"NO! The fruit bar, idiots!" So they set out for their nearest supermarket conveniently located for their convenience in the middle of the non-descript forest in Middle Earth hopefully in the direction where they were headed. They walked in and approached the frozen dessert isle stealthily. You never knew where Orcs were hiding. However, they reached the freezer case safely. There they found *gasp* the legendary strawberry fruit bars. They bickered over which size to get. The individual or the 24 pack. Finally they decided on the 24 pack so each member in the fellowship could have one as well as being able to give one to the leader. They approached the man at the counter, assuming it was a cashier. As they reached the counter, they discovered *gasp* that the cashier was an Orc! Legolas immediately shot him down. But now, however, since there was no one to pay the money and the coupon to, they just walked out of the store ignoring the obnoxious beeping the things outside the door made to alarm when a shoplifter walks out. They made their way back to the place where the knights of Ni had last been, eating their fruit bars.  
"Knights of Ni, we have brought you your fruit bar. Here's the coupon."  
"You mean they didn't take the coupon?"  
"There was no cashier to give the coupon to." Aragorn stated.  
"The store was abandoned?"  
"There was an orc at the counter. We think he killed the cashier."  
"Stupid! He was the cashier."  
"Oh. Well orcs don't like us so we killed him off."  
"You WHAT???"  
"We killed him."  
"Well I knew that but, you actually.KILLED him?"  
"Yes. Legolas shot him with his bow."  
"I see. You know what that means, fellow knights?"  
"Ni!" They all replied.  
"FREE STRAWBERRY FRUIT BARS FOR ALL!"  
"Ni! Ni!"* They all rush off to the supermarket to get their fruit bars. The fellowship left the area where the knights were and continued on their way. They were absolutely weird-ed out. As they continued on their way, a great shout was heard from Pippin. The fellowship turned to look at the hobbit.  
"A spider! It's a spider!! Get it off me! Get it off me!" Pippin screamed in terror.  
"A spider?" Gimli asked. "How stupid! Get it off yourself."  
"But I'm afraid of spiders! Get it oooofffff!" he wailed.  
"Well I'm not touching it. Make Legolas or Aragorn get it."  
"Then you're afraid too!" Pippin said, with a half smile on his face, while still trying to run away from the spider, which was on his back. The spider was quite small so there was really no reason for him to be afraid, but tell that to Cherry when there's a spider by her! "Shut up!" quoth she! She is trying to ignore the spider that we trapped under Kiwi's discus box which is next to her. We didn't feel like trying to throw it outside since it IT ESCAPED! WHERE IS IT!?!?!?!?!? "Oh my God" quoth she. (Note, this event did take place, just now, well, now as in when we were writing it aka 2:48 pm on May 29th). We just trapped it under a glass coaster where it will die of suffocation slowly if Kiwi's dad doesn't get home from the grocery store soon. Btw, he's there to buy us strawberry fruit bars! We love them. The spider's death, though, will please Cherry immensely, as it jumped at her while trying to make its escape. Anyway, back to the story.where were we? Ah yes!  
  
"I am not!" cried Gimli. "They are just, uh, creepy."  
"Scaredy cat, scaredy cat!" Pippin rejoiced, momentarily forgetting the spider, though how he could do that, Cherry doesn't understand.  
"Oh stop it! I will get the stupid spider and end the miserable quarrel." Legolas interrupted. He proceeded to remove the spider and flung it into the forest.  
"Why didn't you kill it?" quoth Pippin.  
"Because that's mean."  
"No. That's stupid! Now it can get me again."  
"Well don't let it get you again."  
"How am I supposed to keep it away?"  
"Bug repellent. You can go buy it at that one supermarket." The rest of the fellowship highly disagreed on going all the way back to the supermarket just to buy bug spray but they didn't want to live through another incident of this sort. So they trudged back to the supermarket by the land of the knights of Ni.  
  
*****explained***** *only one this time! You really should try saying the 'Ni's out loud on your own. It is a lot of fun! Maybe its just us and sugar but whatever. 


	5. Problems

Chapter 5: Credits: we still don't own lord of the rings *sniffles* and we don't own Monty Python either and we still don't own spider repellent although Cherry needs some. We don't own the Tylenol company but Kiwi does own a bottle of Tylenol. We also do not own a Hyundai or the company.  
  
As the fellowship reached the store, they went inside. As they stepped across the *threshold* onto the welcome mat, they ducked in fear. The knights of Ni were running everywhere ransacking the place while also getting involved in a major food fight.  
"AAAAHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME!" cried Merry as a granola bar nearly made contact with his head. The fellowship army crawled *just like Cherry's dog!!* behind the counter and shoved the dead orc body away. *ew* From there, they began whispering on how best to get to the bug repellent isle without being bombarded. They decided to just be cautiously on the lookout and walked out from the counter. Gimli was at the front of the line. As he stepped out from behind the counter, he suddenly had to jump back falling into poor little Merry and knocking him over.  
"What was that for?!" Merry shouted.  
"Shhh! They will find us and hit us with vegetables! That one guy nearly ran me over!" Gimli whispered furiously. Suddenly, the most frightening thing ever happened. The knights of Ni were silent. They had not been speaking per say but there was a lot of rambunctious behavior going on and you could hear the commotion. But then there was nothing. The fellowship looked at each other worriedly. Then, at that very moment*, the Knights of Ni appeared above the counter, peeking over. The fellowship looked up slowly in terror. They did not know what to do.  
"The knights of Ni wish to know what you are doing here."  
"Ni Ni!"  
"Uh, we are.we are just.just.just getting bug repellent.?"  
"Isle 8."  
"Uh, thanks." The fellowship proceeded out from behind the counter and walked quickly to isle 8.  
"Noooooooo!" one of them screamed. "Which sub-isle? A or B?!?!?!?" *dun dunt dunt*  
  
A strange voice from no where is heard. The strange voice, known by everyone these days as the commercial speaker in all grocery stores, said "Hello and welcome to the convenience store, located at your convenience in this non descript forest hopefully in the direction you are headed! This is Bill and I'm the store radio operator. Just keep shopping and I will just play commercials in the background to show you what's on sale! " 'Everyday and everyway, you will love a Hyundai! Hyundais are now on sale! See the back car lot of this store! Everyday and everyway, you will love a Hyundai!' 'Now a totally new fanfiction! Sorta new, I guess but that's besides the point! You will have to read chapter 6 coming soon to the internet site near you dedicated to fanfiction! Will our friends ever figure out which sub-isle? Will they ever escape the flying vegetables of doom?! Will they ever discover Aragorn's hidden fanf-" "SHRUBBERY!!!!!" Aragorn screamed, terrified, interrupting the voice. "Hold on, what was that guy Bill saying? Did he say something about fanfiction? Sub-isles? Flying vegetables? That sounds like our situation!!!" Legolas shouted. "That means.we are in a fanfiction!!!" Pippin said, being master of the obvious. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed, knowing they are at the authoress' mercy! *Muahahahahahahahaha*  
  
After getting over the horridness of the moment, Gimli remembered something. "Why the heck did you just yell shrubbery before?" "Um, nothing. My shrubbery was calling, uh, me, yea." "Shrubberies can talk?" "No, uh, I just think it needs me at the moment." "Ooohhkaaaaaaay." "I want my shrubbery!" sobbed Aragorn. "It's in your pack isn't it? WAIT! You threw it away didn't you?" "Uh, no." "But you said!" "Nuh-uh!" "Uh-huh!" This fighting went on for quite a while when Legolas intervened. "STOP IT CHILDREN!" "Are you calling me a child because I'm short?" Gimli questioned. "No." "Then why did you call me a child?" "Your behavior was childish." "But-" "Can we just get the bug spray?" Pippin whined, interrupting Gimli. "Hold on, Pippin. We are sorting things out. And, yes, Aragorn, Gimli is right. You said you threw away the shrubbery." "I lied. I didn't want to give up my shrubbery!" Aragorn begins crying at the thought. "You are so confusing Aragorn. Is your shrubbery better now so I can see it?" "Um, no. It still has a migraine. It nearly came close to death but I saved it. We might want to get some Tylenol while we're here."  
  
So Aragorn went off to the pharmacy area and picked up some Tylenol and Pippin went off to get some bug repellent. "Help!" he cried. Legolas rushed off to the sub-isle Pippin was in. Yes, Pippin, of all members, had figured out which sub-isle. He walked down the isle and turned his head left and right to find out where the repellant was. "What's wrong?!" said an alarmed Legolas. "Which repellant do I choose?" "Um, just go with this stuff." "Ok."  
  
So the group just passed the counter and once again ignored the annoying beeping noises. Little did the Fellowship know, that the bug repellant would not solve their problems.**  
  
****explained**** *brevi tempore, latin for: at that very moment PLEASE REVIEW!!! **speaking of bug repellant ( I just put the star at the end of the story), Kiwi had a tick crawling up the back of her T-shirt the other day since she was walking in the woods. Little did she know that these woods were infested with strange tree huggers.*Kiwi cries at the mention of it* 


	6. What did you say!

The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction ~ Chapter 6!! By: Myself (being Cherry) and Kiwi (being she who is not Cherry, but she who is being Kiwi)  
  
A/N from Kiwi: sorry the disclaimer is really really long. Cherry wrote that and this whole chapter w/o sending it to me for final editing!! I always send them to her first! She probably won't read it but I still send it!! Me, on the other hand, will always read it since I check my email all the time!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no matter how much we may wish it, nor how often we "borrow indefinitely" the characters, Lord of the Rings is not in any way, shape, or form, belonging to us. *sobs* Also, we do not own Tylenol, except Kiwi's bottle, and my newly bought bottle (I had to buy it cuz we were out and Texas fried my brains.). I DO HAVE SPIDER REPELLANT!!!! *does happy dance* No spiders for Cherry... *cough* Ahem.anyway. The spider repellant however does not work on those dratted cockroaches that Kiwi and I had to live with for a week in Texas..*shudder* I do not own Zoolander or the Abs/Buns/anything of Steel line of workout videos. Ok, Cherry admits it, her mother owns a Buns of Steel video....But it has never been opened!!!! On with the story, which was not written on Kiwi's Gimped Computer.  
  
Outside the store, Pippin proceeded to spray down all of his possessions with the bug repellant whilst* Aragorn made a weak excuse that the shrubbery was light sensitive and went into the shadows to administer the Tylenol to it (though how a shrubbery takes Tylenol, the authoresses do not know). When Pippin was satisfied that all spiders would be repelled (and, really, anything that had a nose because that stuff was foul!), and Aragorn had returned, the fellowship set out again into the non-descript forest in Middle Earth hopefully in the direction they were heading. Shortly after they resumed walking, Legolas again tried to get Aragorn to let him see his shrubbery.  
  
"Did the Tylenol take care of the shrubbery's headache, Aragorn?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then can I see it now?"  
  
"No! It's uh, um...it's."  
  
"Please!!! I want to see the green leafy one! You are killing it by keeping it in that horrible pack of survival stuff! By now it probably smells like that kerchief of Arwen's you keep in there!"  
  
"How did you know about that?!" Aragorn asked horrifiedly. (Is that even a word? Oh well, it is now!!)  
  
"Hearing isn't the only sensitive sense** elves have, you know. But that's not the point, I want to see the shrubbery! It's suffocating!!!" Legolas was getting quite upset over the prospect of something greenleaf-y being slowly smothered by au d' Arwen. Aragorn, blushing quite un-ranger- ishly by this time, was also getting quite upset that he might be found out! He would never be able to look them in the face again! He quickly came up with another cover-up.  
  
"The bag o' survival stuff is quite well ventilated. It is not suffocating. Besides, It's shy!"  
  
"Plants can be shy?" Gimli again turned to the hobbits for an answer, and again, they had none for him. Poor Gimli. Cherry feels for his shortness...  
  
The side comment going unnoticed, Legolas tried one last time for the shrubbery's freedom. "But I am really, really, really, incredibly good looking! How can it be shy around me?!"  
  
"IT JUST IS!! It is intimidated by your manly abs of steel!" Aragorn shouted. Legolas looked at him in that I-never-would-have-guessed- you-were- like-that kinda way. You know. Or maybe it's just Cherry. Any who, back to the story.  
  
"Don't look at me like that! I love Arwen, you pervert! The shrubbery will remain in my bag!"  
  
"Ok, whatever you say." Legolas replied while the hobbits and Gimli muttered amongst themselves what sounded suspiciously like, 'knew he was too pretty to be straight'. This aside, the fellowship continued on. They had been traveling through very hilly terrain, slowly as it was tiring and hobbits really can't climb well with those huge feet, when *gasp* they came upon a cliff. Quickly shuffling around and grabbing each other so they wouldn't fall, they finally pulled themselves back from the edge. Looking over the precipice at the rocks below, they shuddered. They could have been part of the scenery down there if they hadn't been so lucky! Well, maybe that was an exaggeration. The drop was in reality only 4 feet, and it wasn't so much a drop as a steep hill, and the rocks at the bottom were gravel, but have you ever fallen 4 feet down a steep hill into gravel?! It hurts! Whatever, they looked down this 4 foot drop to see at the bottom a gravel road.  
  
"What do you think of this road, Gandalf?" Aragorn deferred to his elder for direction, as it was Gandalf who was supposed to know where they were going, right?  
  
"I do not remember this road. I mean, a road was here, but it was made of brick. Purple brick, quite pretty really.."  
  
"So can we go this way? Is it safe?"  
  
"How should I know?! I just said I don't remember this road! However, the gravel does look faintly lavender-ish.Sure! Let's try it!" And so they set out on the purple gravel road in the non-descript forest in Middle Earth Hopefully in the direction they were headed.  
  
* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Aragorn has one of Arwen's kerchiefs??? Why has Aragorn been noticing Legolas' manly abs of steel??? Where has Boromir been this entire fanfiction??? Does any one care where the smelly one went???? Where does the purple gravel road lead?!?! *dun dun dun* To be continued when Cherry isn't being lazy...  
  
****Explained**** *whilst- isn't that just a fun word? **sensitive sense- alliteration!!!  
  
Please review! We will love you forever! *Hugs from Cherry and Kiwi to reviewers!* 


	7. Legolas' Abs of Steel

Chapter 7: The Fellowship discovers fanfiction, by: ~Cherry~ and *Kiwi*  
  
Disclaimer: Although however much we wish, we shall never own Lord of the Rings. Or Legolas. *sniffles* and, Cherry admitted that yes, her mom owns a buns of steel video!! Kiwi laughs because she is amused. Sure the box has never been opened.well, enough of teasing Cherry for her mom's video that has *never* been opened. (Cherry breaks in-IT HASN'T BEEN OPENED!!! I FORBADE IT! I THREATENED TO SMITE MY MOTHER IF SHE TOUCHED!!!) Anyway, Cherry owns spider repellent but it does not repel those roach things in Texas. We met this one named Charlie who was out to get the world and he tried to rape Cherry and one of our chaperones. I just said that to scare Cherry but our chaperone woke up in the middle of the night with a roach on her chest. *ugh* scary. Yes, well our friend chased Reggie (Charlie's secret gay lover.) down the hall and when he came back he was jammin to the music on the boombox. They like to go gang raping together each night.watch out. You could be next! Yes well anyway, continuing the disclaimer, we do not own the Wizard of Oz and we would not particularly want to. That scarecrow scared me when I was little.  
  
A/N: yes, it may appear to be a slash chapter but NO. if u do not like slash, keep reading for it will not be.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Let's see. Our lovely Fellowship was wondering on a purple gravel road in the middle of the non-descript forest in Middle Earth hopefully in the direction where they were headed. They were walking along and all of a sudden all four hobbits broke out in song. They linked arms and started skipping side by side down the purple road.  
  
"Follow the purple brick road. Follow the purple brick road. Follow follow follow follow follow the purple brick roooaaaaaaaaad!!!!"  
  
"Isn't it supposed to be 'Follow the Yellow brick road?" said Gimli, emphasizing yellow. "And this road is, well, uh, it's not brick. It's gravel."  
  
"So? We don't care. We shall dance and sing as much as we please and if you even try to mess with Mr. Frodo's happy joyous time he is having at the moment, I'll.I'll.I'll hit you with the frying pan!" cried Sam, brandishing the pan. "I'm not afraid to use this!!"  
  
"Oh Sam, it's ok. Don't worry about it." Frodo said at Sam's outrage.  
  
"It is NOT Mr. Frodo!" yelled Sam. He immediately broke down crying, realizing he just yelled at 'Mr. Frodo.' Frodo sighed and assured him he was not angry and Gandalf was not going to turn him into anything unnatural for having yelled at him.  
  
With that passing, the Fellowship continued. As they walked, the trees were noticeably growing farther away from the road and so the sun was shining right on them. Being a hot day, the members of the fellowship were getting hot. Legolas was especially warm since he has how many layers of clothes on?? (Too many if you ask Cherry.She would just as soon have him in a layer of chocolate and nothing else...*AHEM* we are keeping this rating to PG, Cherry!) Yes, well anyway, he took off the first layer and folded it up for easier storing. This left him in a flimsy white shirt that was quite in fact very breathable, proving much more comfortable for the prince. We also wonder why he always wears pants. (Cherry wishes ~oh to be those pants~ PG CHERRY! PG!) yes anyway, moving on, our very extremely sexy prince was down to his flimsy white shirt and pants. *sigh heard from authors* Scarily enough, we hear a sigh from Aragorn, who in the last chapter, was noticing Legolas' manly abs of steel. *sigh again* Unsure as to why Aragorn has commented that way before, we shall investigate further.  
"Is something wrong Aragorn?" Legolas commented.  
"Huh?! Oh, um, er, nothing." Came the reply.  
"Are you sure? I thought that was a dreamy sigh. Thinking of Arwen are we now?" Legolas said teasingly, flashing his gorgeous, heart-stopping, breathtaking (Cherry agrees with Pineapple Princess, we could stay here for Hours.) smile.  
  
"N-YES! Of course I was thinking about her!" Aragorn stammered.  
"And not her lacy underwear this time?" Legolas brought up their previous argument.  
"Will you stop it with the underwear?! Gosh!" Aragorn began to break down. "Ok I admit, I was-oh." Aragorn sobs at this thought.  
"Hey, don't worry Aragorn, I do that all the time." Gimli said, trying to comfort Aragorn.  
"WHAT THE HECK DID YOU JUST SAY, GIMLI??!?!?" Aragorn shouted. Taken aback by Aragorn's outraged he tried to repeat himself.  
"You think about MY girl's underwear?! You sick perv! She's mine! MINE I TELL YOU! MINE!  
"No-"  
"Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore!"  
"What I was trying to say was that I think about underwear belonging to the girl of my dreams!"  
  
Pippin started to smile. "*Cough cough* Galadriel *cough cough!*"  
"Hey!" Gimli whirled around. "Are you making fun of me?"  
"But she doesn't like you! She's already got a husband, and.and.she kissed Frodo, not you!" Pippin retorted*.  
"FRODO!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU!!" Gimli, outraged, ran towards Frodo with his ax ready.  
"You're not gonna get Mr. Frodo, Gimli!" Sam ran in front of Frodo and had his frying pan at the ready. Gimli got really scared. Sam with a frying pan and a death glare. You definitely don't want to go there. Gimli turned red faced and dropped his ax and walked back near Legolas and Aragorn.  
  
Yes, well anyway, despite that argument, we are still investigating Aragorn's mention of Legolas' very sexy abs of steel *sighs are heard from the authoresses*. Legolas was getting worried that Aragorn was liking him in a way that he did not want. "I'm a ladies' man, not a men's man." (Cheesy 70's song in the background) Legolas thought to himself. Being pretty wasn't very easy. He had gotten some fanguys too. Scary thought. Aragorn walked up to Legolas.  
  
"Legolas, I have something to confess." Legolas braced himself for the worst.  
  
***explained*** *retorted. Such a nice vocabulary word. See, you might have just learned something new! Wow!  
  
Please please please review!! It will help us keep going and encourage us to do better. No flames though. Those are annoying and stupid and if you don't like this fic, then read or write something better! Ha! *Snickers are heard from the general direction of Cherry, as she is vastly amused at Kiwi's righteous anger* Cherry agrees. All Flames will be returned to sender with the great hope that it burns them alive. 


	8. Not in front of the shrubbery!

The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction ~ Chapter 8! Can you believe it? Neither can we... We, of course, are being the Co-authoresses, Cherry and Kiwi. Hence the name CherryKiwi, do you get it now?  
  
Disclaimer: No matter how much we pray and plead and beg with God, no matter how long we "indefinitely borrow" J.R.R. Tolkien's characters, we will never own Lord of The Rings *sobs*. Cherry is glad to announce that she did, in fact, come into possession of a bottle of spider repellent. However, it does not repel disgusting Charlie and his not-so-secret gay lover, the roach groove master, Reggie. You see, Reggie has a modicum of cool because he never approached our room nor participated in the raping of our chaperone. Charlie was on his own there, as Reggie was jammin' to the tunes in our friends' room as we played Schmuck, AKA @$$hole. And anyway, he died well. *evil laughter* *cough* Ahem. We also do not own any Kentucky FireWaterTM AKA, whiskey. We are underage. Well, on with the story.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ When we last left our brave adventurers, they had stumbled upon, and were following a lavender-ish gravel road at the dubious guidance of the pointy- hat-ed one (A/N: it is incredibly mind-boggling for this blonde authoress to distinguish between having a hat and being hated.). While traveling this pleasantly purple track, we contemplated Aragorn's admiration of the archer's abs (A/N: I am going to drive us all up the wall with these alliterations.). At the Evil CliffieTM Kiwi kindly left us at, Aragorn turned to Legolas with a disturbing declaration:  
"Legolas, I have something to confess." In light of the recent admission of admiration for his abs, this was enough to unnerve the elf. Legolas braced himself for the worst. He tentatively prodded on his rugged companion, who had stopped. He seemed to be choked up on something.  
"What would that be, Aragorn?" Legolas asked nervously. At this could-be-construed-as-kind response, Aragorn broke into the un-manliest tears. Really. He cries in a girlier manner than Arwen. He turned and collapsed on the nearest fellowship member, sobbing. The fellowship was dumbfounded as to why he was crying. They all immediately commenced to glare at Legolas, who it seemed had been the trigger of this outburst. For a few moments, there was no sound except for the future king's cries and the occasional hiccup.  
"What did you do to him?!" Boromir (A/N: I know I asked where he was back in chapter 6, but I forgot- I sent him off to bathe. He's back, and smells like my cherry-almond bathsoap! Yummy. Yes, and that reminds Kiwi that her shower gel is in fact, Cherry Kiwi scented!! Wow!), whose shoulder Aragorn happened to be using as a pillow/tissue, whispered furiously at Legolas. Legolas hated to see this pitiable state in Aragorn, but elves are more accustomed to such breakdowns. After all, look at how much pressure is on them to be perfect. They have to have nervous break-downs on a regular basis! I know that miruvor of theirs is more than sparkling water *nods sagely* (*un-lady-like snort from Cherry* sparkling Kentucky FireWater perhaps.). Boromir however was not comfortable with emotion at all.  
"I didn't do anything to him! I just asked him what his confession was!!" Legolas whispered back, just as heatedly. "Why are we whispering?" Gimli asked the hobbits. They whispered among themselves for a moment, then turned back to him. "We don't know" Aragorn had, by this time, gathered himself a bit. He stood on his own away from Boromir, for which the no-longer-smelly one was grateful. He pulled out Arwen's lacy, frilly, unreservedly girlie handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes.  
"Forgive me, but this is so emotional for me! *sniffle* You see, I have so much pressure on me to be perfect because I'm going to be king, but I just can't measure up to your amount of alarmingly male-ness! *sob* I have ruggedness down to perfection! I have the just-rolled-out-of-bed, mussed hair look down pat! I have the piercing blue eyed gaze! I just can't get down to that 28-inch waist and flat stomach! I know Arwen's been staring at your washboard, chiseled, 8-pack, perfect (Again, we could stay here for hours.) perfect abs! Don't deny it!! I know you show off for her!! I can't blame her though for wanting someone without love handles- Not that I have any! I just want to know how you do it!" Aragorn confessed.  
"Arwen was checking me out?" Legolas asked excitedly, after all, this is the even star we're talking about-the babe of every red-blooded male in Middle Earth. He had, of course noticed when she was watching him, but he hadn't been sure she was interested.  
"Keep your hands off her you pansy!" (*gasps heard from the authoresses, along with hisses of hatred* "How dare he?!" Quoth Cherry, "Shhh! Legolas will defend his honor!" Quoth Kiwi). Legolas wisely backed off in the face of one very PO'd ranger who out weighed him by a good number of pounds, though exactly how many Aragorn has forbidden us to tell.  
"Easy! I was just kidding! Uh.How do I keep these oiled abs? It's Easy! I get a lot of exercise!" Legolas revealed.  
"I do exercise a lot! What kind of exercise do you do?"  
"Uh...um..that is. well.. I can't tell you." Legolas stuttered. (*evil chuckle from Cherry, she knows what kind of exercise he's been getting!*)  
"Why not?! PLEASE!!!"  
"I just can't! Not in front of the shrubbery!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Not in front of the shrubbery? It seems Aragorn's little fib has backfired on him yet again! Will he reveal his dirty little secret in favor of getting ab-vice from Legolas? Will Arwen ever get her hanky back? Why does Aragorn care what his abs look like? He's got great eyes! Find out in the next installment of this loony lay: Chapter 9!!!!! 


	9. Burger Man

The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction ~ Chapter 9!! By Cherry et Kiwi*  
  
A/N: Anyone who has reviewed and gave an email address (either in an anonymous signature or in their profile) should be receiving an email from CherryKiwi05@hotmail.com if they haven't already. If we do not have access to your email address, feel free to email us on your own with your opinion to the upcoming questions. If you do not have email, please post your opinion in your review. Should we terminate this fanfic at Chapter 10 or a little later?? Should we write more? Perhaps a sequel??? We wants to know what you all think!! It will help us greatly in our decisions.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Lord of the Rings dang it!! Although we wish and wish and wish for it, we shall ne'er get it. *sigh* Tolkien owns the stories, and the characters. Wait a second.what does he need all those hot guys for anyway??? Cherry and Kiwi contemplate. Yes, well we don't own Playstation although Cherry does own one. "Hey the Lord of the Rings game is cool! Legolas is the best!" quoth Cherry's brother Eric aka Erica. We do doubt his masculinity. Also, we do not own Burger Man, if there is a fast food chain/restaurant named that. Otherwise, he's ours, well, Kiwi's since she is married to 'Burger Man' as we call him, some character dude in the background of wheel of fortune the computer game, which we do not own either. ~*~*~  
  
Aragorn is dying here! Not really, but this is a life or death situation. Get rid of his 'shrubbery' and uncover his lie to get beauty tips from charming prince Legolas or keep his little secret and feel horrible forever for lying to his friends and not getting those tips. Aragorn decides on something.  
  
"Legolas, I will move my bag so that the shrubbery will not be in hearing distance. He threw the pack over to the hobbits for safekeeping. He threw it carelessly and poor Pippin was not paying attention and it hit him in the head, knocking him out. *'KO!' is heard like in the game from Playstation where you fight with all these nifty kicks and stuff.* The other hobbits, totally ignoring Pippin in his horrid state grab the bag and begin to open its many pockets trying to find food while Aragorn is talking to Legolas.  
  
Hearing such noise they were making, Aragorn, being disturbed in this very important conversation, turns around to tell them to be quiet. He sees them going through the pockets. Merry was about to open the pocket that contained the 'shrubbery' *cough cough* and Aragorn ran and made a dive for his pack screaming with his knife in hand. The hobbits are very disturbed at this and back away slowly. Aragorn begins sobbing as Legolas comes over to his aid. Aragorn screamed and hugged his bag even closer.  
  
"ARAGORN! You are going to kill the shrubbery, hugging it like that!" Legolas shouted. Aragorn whimpered and got up. He told the hobbits there was nothing of importance in the pack-except the shrubbery. Aragorn could obviously not hold any new beauty secrets in his head at the moment so Gandalf ordered the fellowship to continue on and leave Aragorn alone for a while. So the group continued walking along the purple gravel road.  
  
After several hours of journeying, they were rather tired and decided it would be time to stop soon to get some food. To their luck and surprise, they saw a local fast food restaurant. It had a huge sign on a big pole and it said "Burger Man". Below that, were fill in letters saying "3 served". There was a nifty little separate drive through sign under all that saying it was 'QuikThru'. Gandalf figured out that it meant it was faster than going inside. They all walked down the drive through lane and stopped at the speaker.  
  
"May I take yer order sir?" came the voice out of the speaker. Legolas became very alert hearing this strange voice with a southern accent and seeing no one around.  
  
"Who said that?!" he said, cautiously. "May I just take yer order sir?" came the reply. "Where the heck are you?!?!?" Legolas shouted. "Gosh sir, what do ya want fer lunch? Just tell me fer God's sake!"  
  
Gandalf stepped up to help with the situation.  
  
"Yes, we would like 12 of your 30 pack cases." He said, considering the hobbits. "And 9 or so soft drinks."  
  
"That would be 137.99 at the first window." Gandalf got out his money and the group proceeded to walk to the first window. The window opened and a teenage boy with severe acne problems (we mean very severe, like beyond hopeless) stuck his hand out to take the money. Gandalf handed it to him and the boy was about to give back some change when he held his hands (with the money in them) up to his nose and sneezed like no one has ever sneezed before. Gandalf, seeing that the money was now diseased, said bleakly "Keep the change." He looked at the fellowship like he was gonna throw up. The boy said to go to the next window to pick up their food.  
  
As they reached the next window, it burst open.  
  
"Here's yer food." Came an obviously annoyed voice. "Wait a second. Y'all aren't in a car. This is the DRIVE through. Not a WALK through. Ya can't pick up food unless yer in a car."  
  
"Where can we get a car?" whispered Sam to Frodo.  
  
"I don't know. What's a car anyway?" Frodo replied.  
  
"Well, ya will just have to come inside and get it." The person said. So the fellowship walked around to the front door. Gandalf tried to push on the door but it wouldn't budge.  
  
"It says 'pull'." Pippin stated. Gandalf gave and annoyed yes-I-know look to Pippin and pulled. The door still didn't open. Gandalf gave Pippin another of his looks.  
  
They looked through the tinted windows of the building and they could see the person inside, behind the counter laughing very evilly. Gandalf beat on the door with his staff and used some magic to get it to open but that did not work.  
  
Saruman had struck again.  
  
***explained*** * Cherry et Kiwi~ Latin! 'et' means 'and' plain et simple. We just used that to add something new.  
  
Please review!! Please tell us what you thought about the chapter and please email us what you think about the topic mentioned in the A/N at the beginning of this chapter!  
  
Thanks to all our reviewers!! 


	10. The counter of KhazadDum!

The Fellowship Discovers Fanfiction~ Chapter The Last~ By Cherry & Kiwi  
  
A/N: As you can see, this is our last chapter for this fic. As all fun things must, this has come to an end *sniff, tear, SOB!* we love it too. Contrary to popular belief, we have scratched the idea of having an epilogue of the shrubbery's POV. This chapter is kinda long.so sit back and read!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own anything of Tolkien's. We own.stuff. Nothing that you'd be interested in.  
  
A/N: Coming soon to our online Bananateia domain (see our profile)..who we want to be groupies for! Haha! Of course Orlando and Johnny are gonna be on there.  
  
*~*where we left off last chapter.Saruman had struck again. The poor Fellowship had been gypped! Hungry, they had been denied food..AFTER THEY PAYED FOR IT! HOW UNCHRISTIAN! Oh wait, in this time, Christ hadn't been born yet.oh well, whatever, it was still bad manners! Madame le Etiquette would not have approved!  
  
"What are we going to do?!?" cried Pippin. The Hobbits murmured in agreement.  
  
"Shut up! I'm thinking!" Said Aragorn.  
  
"Isn't there some yogurt in your pack, Aragorn?" said Gimli.  
  
"It's gross. Even the Hobbits won't eat it!" he replied.  
  
"Ew, even the memory of it makes me want to keel over!" said Merry, adding his opinion.  
  
They realized that they were totally foodless. If they didn't get into Burger Man somehow, they would all die!! Legolas began to look around at the building suspiciously.  
  
"I think we should to a perimeter check." He said.  
  
"What's a parameter?" said Pippin.  
  
"A parameter is a guideline, Pippin, a Perimeter is the outside of something. DUH!"  
  
"You don't have to make fun of me just because I'm stupid!"  
  
"Yes I do!"  
  
So they walked slowly around the building when at last they found a small open window in the back. This would be tough. They would have to send Pippin in to get their food since he was the only one small enough to fit and they couldn't risk Frodo in a case like this. He was already weak as it is, he had that horrible ring and he was hungry! So they hoisted Pippin up and he climbed into the window.  
  
*OOMPH* "Ow!" cried Pippin as he hit the floor on the other side.  
  
"Shut up and find the backdoor and let us in!" Gimli shouted, because of course, you can't trust Pippin to get the food by himself!  
  
So Pippin found the door and let the Fellowship inside. They traveled silently and carefully through the storage rooms. It was dark and Gandalf lit his staff. The place reeked of rotten green French Fries. They finally made it into the recesses of the kitchen. Sam peeked out of the door which he had opened up just a crack.  
  
"All's clear, Mr. Frodo!" he said as he closed the door silently and backed up.  
  
Boromir came forward to go first. He opened the door and immediately went into fighting stance. Nothing happened. The others filed in one by one, Pippin coming in last. As he came through, he forgot to hold the door so that it didn't slam shut. *CLANG!*  
  
"You idiot! Next time, let the door hit you!" Gandalf yelled. They listened carefully for a moment. They heard beeps in the deep. The fry machines..beep beep beep beepbeep.  
  
"They are coming." Said Gandalf. Beep beep beep beep.  
  
They heard the approach of many footsteps. They ran through an interminably long kitchen until they reached the main area of the kitchen. The fry beepers were getting louder.beep.beep.beep.the rest of the Fellowship circled around the little hobbits.  
  
"Ewwwww!" Boromir squealed. "These warriors are gross!" and indeed they were. Remember that kid at the Quik-thru that had severe acne problems? Well, think of him times one hundred with grease too! Sam quickly worked his way through the fellowship and bonked one in the head with his frying pan. *BONK* The boy fell to the ground but Sam's pan was covered with pimple juice! Sam wretched, dropped his pan, and went back inside the circle. He wasn't that brave. *Cherry and Kiwi are disgusted at the thought but Cherry said it and brought it upon herself. "Think of the cinnamon rolls we had for breakfast.think of the cinnamon rolls we had for breakfast." quoth she. "Yum!"*  
  
Boromir waved the other ones on. "You go, I'll fight them off! Go quickly to the counter of Khâzad-Dum!" So the group hurried quickly on to the front counter.  
  
Tragically, in our story, Boromir died fighting these horrible boys. The Fellowship made it to the counter and quickly made it to the door. The door was unlocked from the inside because otherwise it would have been a fire hazard. They quickly made it out.  
  
"But wait, what about our food?!" cried Merry.  
  
"Oh crap!" said Gandalf. "We just killed Boromir for nothing!" The fellowship grieved quietly for a moment, then got over it. You know, he was kinda greasy himself.  
  
"Well, at least he can't rape Mr. Frodo anymore!" said Sam. They had all been disturbed by Boromir's nightly escapades.  
  
"It wasn't rape! We were in love!" cried Frodo, as he sobbed his little heart out. "Oh my God did I just say that out loud?!"  
  
"Oh MY GOD!" screamed Sam. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! You traitorous whore!"  
  
"I do love you Sam, but Boromir was just so, strong! He, um, er, well, uh, PLAYED SCRABBLE so well! I'm sorry! I never meant to betray you in my heart!"  
  
After this, um, scary little scene, they all made up and decided to continue to a nice little clearing where they could get their thoughts together in safety.  
  
"Legolas, get them up, we have to reach the woods of Lothlorien by nightfall! These hills will be swarming with greasy acne plagued teenagers!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
Legolas led the group out and they made it to safety where the sat down and thought about what they were going to do, foodless and not being able to get back.  
"It's no use, Aragorn!" Legolas said. "It's a whole day's travel to Lothlorien! We are going to have to eat the shrubbery!" *DUN!*  
"Oh no! Not the Shrubbery!" sobbed Aragorn. It was too late. Everyone agreed with Legolas that this was their only option. They would starve without the shrubbery.  
"You guys, wait, I have a confession. There is no shrubbery in the pack. I lied the whole time! Please forgive me!! Please have mercy on my poor soul!"  
"You WHAT?!?!?" They cried aghast! "If there is no shrubbery," Legolas said, "then what, per se, is in the pack?" "It's.it's.just open it!"  
So they all rushed for his pack and Legolas grabbed the zipper. He unzipped it slowly.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiippppppp. He turned the pack upside down and out fell.a shrubbery! *DUN!* and some papers.  
"Oh My God! Aragorn is deranged! There was a shrubbery! He's famished, over heated, over worked, and.oh gosh he's losing his memory! We need to get him to Lothlorien quickly!  
"I'm not deranged! That stinking Shrubbery was not in there yesterday!"  
"Ahhh! Someone, pick him up and carry him!"  
Everyone looked at Legolas.  
"Oh all right, I'll carry him!" He is after all, the strongest one left, so he picked him up.  
"Put me down! Put me down!" screamed Aragorn, thrashing and flailing trying to get out of Legolas' arms. *A/N: Why?! Why would you want to leave Legolas' arms?! We don't understand!!!*  
Legolas managed to sedate him with elven magic *A/N: ahhhhh!! Ooooo..Never mind.* They quickly lost interest in the shrubbery for the moment, stuffed it in Aragorn's sack-o-stuff and continued walking toward Lothlorien.  
  
They finally made it to the golden wood in the evening and Legolas had to barter his body away to Haldir for the night to gain passage for his group into the woods. Legolas decided he could deal with it. After all, this was Aragorn.his LIFE was at stake! So they walked through led by Haldir and they got rooms to stay in. They met the lady of the wood who totally sympathized with their plight. She had a proprietal interest in seeing Aragorn alive, after all, he was supposed to marry her Granddaughter.  
While the rest of the Fellowship was caring for a "delirious" Aragorn, the shrubbery, which had magically unzipped itself out of the bag, explained the story to the lady of the wood. The group looked up and gasped. They had no idea this was a magical shrubbery! Aragorn screamed and passed out. Legolas shook his head.  
"Do not be afraid. This is one of my trademarked magical shrubberies. I sent travelers out to plant all around Middle Earth. They are my spies. A seed must have gotten into Aragorn's pack with some dirt. This shrubbery has protected you from much harm." Said the lady of the wood. She explained that Aragorn was not delirious and just frightened at the shrubbery's power.  
Aragorn sat up and screamed. "The papers!! Where are the papers?!?!"  
"Uh, Aragorn, what papers?!?!"  
"THE papers!! They were in my pack!"  
"Oh, those papers, we figured they were old junk mail and stuff. We left them there!" said Pippin.  
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Aragorn fainted. The lady of the wood sighed. She asked a servant to carry him to his room and give him some soup when he woke up. This magical soup from her special recipe (it was a couple thousand years old!) would make him better in no time.  
It was getting late and they had supper. Legolas saw Haldir motion that it was time for them to leave for the night. Legolas sighed with despair. *Cherry: Hey, but Haldir's sexy!* Haldir took Legolas to his room and they, um, well, played scrabble, and they weren't seen till morning. The rest of the Fellowship slept quite well and the soup as predicted made Aragorn quite himself again. As a gift, the lady gave Sam a new frying pan since his was lost at Burger Man and she gave the gift of the magical Shrubbery to guide the group on their quest. She explained its powers. It could tell them when danger was near, store appointments, it was an alarm clock, a timer, and a personal organizer. It also answered yes and no questions just like Kiwi's Magic 8 Ball style Taco Bell Chihuahua! Well, you all know the rest. This is where we leave off. Pippin got half a brain and the rest of the Fellowship continued as is known. ---cheesy ending---  
  
*~*Thank you all so much for sticking around for the last chapter of this story. Please review! And please read our other stories. We will have updates by the end of the week as it is exam time. Signing out, Cherry and Kiwi.*~* 


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